"Why" I found myself asking myself "does nobody ever take me seriously?". Shaking my fists at an uncaring universe for effect I asked once more "Why????"1.
I then took a long hard look at the hands before me. "Ah", I said. "Perchance it's because I'm the kind of person who'd wear those."
On said hands were a pair of bright red (wind-proof) mittens. And not just any mittens, either. With these mittens, you can fold the portion covering your fingers back so as to render them into a set of fingerless gloves2 with large flappy attachments on the back. Flappy attachments which ... and get this ... can be folded over to make you fingerless gloves into mittens!!! Picture the scene, if you will. It's cold and windy, and I find myself stopping off for a point of business in a corner store. I fumble clumsily for some change with my bright red mittens on, then in frustration make as though to take them off. "But sir!" the good store-keep exclaims. "Quite apart from the obvious chore involved in removing then replacing such lovely mittens over such a trifle, you run the risk of accidentally leaving them behind!!". I smile and offer a rejoinder "worry not, noble store-keep, and observe!" Then, to the wonderment of all in the store I simply fold the top mitten-portion back to reveal my naked ever-nimble fingers. I conclude my business and carry on outside, where an icy wind bites at my poor bare fingers - but do I care? No sir! with a simple flick of the flap, so to speak, my fingers return to toasty goodness.
An unfortunate side-effect, however, is that I look like a dork.
1At this point the universe appeared to slow down so that, to my ears, the above exclamation sounded a little more like Whuuaaaayyyyy..........
2The kind you see on the hands of sad old drunks clutching a half-consumed bottle of cheap whisky in one hand with which to drown the reminiscences of broken dreams whilst singing, oh I don't know, Brother, can you spare a dime? and warming said hands over a fire in a 44-gallon drum.
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1. I have a pair of those fingerless gloves, which I bought once I realised that my hands were being unfairly exposed to the cold despite owning a pair of actual gloves. The reason I never wore the actual gloves was, of course, because they were too damn clumsy, and I am already a naturally clumsy person. The point is, I love my fingerless gloves with a capital L.
2. Brother can you spare a dime is not a hobo song but a song about post-war poverty: the unfairness of serving your country for glory only to be forced to line up for bread once the war is over. For your scene I suggest Crack in the box-car door*, which is a hobo song, and though sad, it's quite catchy.
*You may wonder how I know so much about hobo songs: My dear friend, I grew up in the Queensland bush, and my life has not been an ordinary one.
So few people can truly understand the genius of these mittens, which sees me, Anita, getting the best of both those worlds. I get a fair few bemused smiles indoors, though .... what with the big dopey flappy attachments on the backs of them in fingerless glove mode.
I realise that it's much colder there than here, but I think that I wouldn't use the warm part of the gloves if I had them. If it gets cold I either fold my fingers into my palms (a surprisingly effective method) or put my hands in my pockets.
Of course, the convenience of gloves that don't get in the road because they're fingerless would get completely countered by the large flaps which probably get in the road of everything. What I'm saying is that unless forced to because the climate is so cold that having bare fingers is idiotic, I probably would not buy mittens of your sort.
That said, I do understand the genius, and I wish you and your mittens a long and happy life together.
Kittens rhyme with mittens.
This came up at trivia last night.
Was it posed as a 50/50 question?
No, it was a nursery rhyme question.
I would be willing to bet my first born that the moment described didn't actually happen.
All of this, Adrigles, depends upon your metaphysical position vis-av-vis the nature of 'truth'. If you consider this wording 'didn't actually happen' with respect to what we ('usually') mean by the binary opposite 'did happen' I think you'll find that, in fact, it becomes reasonable to suppose that the event in question both did and did not occur.
Also, Anita .... funnily enough the fact that you are expert on hobo songs surprised me not at all......
Can we talk about religion now Fitzi-boo-boo?
Sure we can..... I have absolutely no objection about discussing the one topic on which I can comfortably say I'm right and you're wrong ;)
I'm glad that there is only one topic that you are comfortable saying that you are right and I am wrong about... Even if you are wrong about that.
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