Success!!!!!

It's high time I put my cock where my mouth is ....

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Hail the conquering heroes, and what the cock is wrong with GA?

In the spirit of my 'only blog trivia when you kick arse or suck balls'¹ maxim, allow me to report the greatest performance ever achieved by a trivia team (with me in it) at Harry's since the Gaussian eliminators somehow won the fucking thing the second time they went there. That's right, dear reader, it is my august privilege and sombre duty to inform you that our team somehow managed to beat every other team playing Harry's trivia last night. Trounced them, I say old chap. We kicked nine colours of shit out of them, Charlotte. We was awesome.

This achievement should, I feel, be in no way sullied by the fact that the statement is trivially true ....... on account of trivia not actually occurring last night due to flooding. Sure you might also just as well say that we were beaten by every other team to play last night too. You might say that. But if that's the kind of 'glass half empty' defeatist attitude you're going to carry around with you in life like an albatross chained to your neck, well, you can just sod off home with your negative vibes and leave my blog in peace, OK?

In other news, google analytics is informing me that I have had no visitors at all from the 1st-5th of February. Which, given comments posted, is clearly false. It appears that god continues to punish me to satisfy his petty vindictive urges.

¹Why the hell have I never received any web traffic from the constant use of that statement? I guess the 'suck balls' line is just too competitive a market, hey......

On god being a bastard.

It has come to my attention that in a past lives I was possibly both Genghis Khan and Adolf Hitler. This is the only explanation I can come up with to explain current events which, in the immortal words of Millhouse, started off like Romeo and Juliet, but ended in tragedy¹.

My employer, you see, has just moved offices. I found upon arriving to work this morning that my new office was, on cursory glance, far superior to my old one in every respect. It's larger, it has a lovely view of Moreton Bay and there is no dentist on the other side of the wall. In general, in fact, the new offices are far better than the old ones. Life, I said to myself this morning, is truly sweet.

In a sadly short period of time, however, the minty fresh sheen evaporated from this new working space. The first thing which indicated to me that perhaps all was not well in the state of Denmark, as it were, was that my lovely view also includes a primary school, which means that if I stare too long at the bay I look a little dodgy. This, however, was nothing to the dread realisation that hit me like a lead pipe in the hands of a man named "Bubba" at approximately 9:30 this morning. You see, while it is certainly true that I am no longer next door to a dentist who hates me more than he loves life, I am now directly above a fucking gym. This is, apparently, not a problem for anyone else in the office in as much as for some reason the loud duff-duff style "yeah, let's work those abs!" music that drones on in the place doesn't reach any office but mine. This, I discovered, is on account of an open door to a fuse-box which cannot be fucking well closed!!! I've tried pushing, kicking, and alternately praying to every deity I could think of and rocking back and forth in a fetal position whimpering. All to no avail. The only thing I have yet to try is strolling into the gym with shotguns akimbo to explain calmly to the denizens of the establishment in question the benefits of working out in silence. This, clearly, must be my next step.

¹Given how often I use this phrase in everyday life, it is perhaps a little surprising that I only just now worked it into my blog.