I have to admit that I struggled a little with this one .... Up until fairly recently, my blog hasn't been the kind that finds funny/quirky stuff on the internet and points it out to people. Largely because I'm just not very good at it, but also because I've come to realise that what people are really after when they visit my blog is, as often as not, a borderline non-sensical rant about some completely pointless issue. This means that when I do find something I'd like to link to I feel a duty to embellish it a little.... but in the case of a story titled Lynchings in Congo as penis theft panic hits capital, well, what the cock is there to add?
I thought at first that I might just fill a post with single/double cock-entendre action ... but, well, I feel I've already kind of blown my load on that front. Possibly, I thought I might just give a blow by blow account of the story, but it's fair to say that there is something of a premature climax to any article which opens with the sentence:
I thought at first that I might just fill a post with single/double cock-entendre action ... but, well, I feel I've already kind of blown my load on that front. Possibly, I thought I might just give a blow by blow account of the story, but it's fair to say that there is something of a premature climax to any article which opens with the sentence:
KINSHASA (Reuters) - Police in Congo have arrested 13 suspected sorcerers accused of using black magic to steal or shrink men's penises after a wave of panic and attempted lynchings triggered by the alleged witchcraft.I suppose I'll I'd like to add to this is that, given the seriousness of the issue:
"It's real. Just yesterday here, there was a man who was a victim. We saw. What was left was tiny," said 29-year-old Alain Kalala, who sells phone credits near a Kinshasa police station.I am appalled at the insensitivity of Kinshasa police chief Jean-Dieudonne Oleko:
"I'm tempted to say it's one huge joke," Oleko said.
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15 comments:
I was going to write something mean.... But I didn't.
;)
Just when I thought your blog couldn't get any more stupid you go ahead and write this...and totally redeem yourself!
I wonder if the Kinshasa police chief Jean Dieudonné is the same Jean Dieudonné as the late Bourbaki member.
I can't wait till "Penis Panic"(or Koro which means "tortoise" or "turtle head" in Malay) hits the streets of Brisbane. It was all the rage in Singapore in 1967.
Apparently this next extract is from the Medical Journal of Singapore, (however I'm sure I heard Andrew yelling something from the Balmoral cinema toilets after seeing Waterworld. Although, that could have been Andrew yelling something about his brain loosing 20 IQ points):
“He was at a cinema show when he felt the need to micturate. He went out to the latrine in the foyer and, as he was easing himself, he felt a sudden loss of feeling in the genital region, and straightaway, the thought occurred to him that he was going to get penile retraction. Sure enough, he soon noticed that he penis was getting shorter. Intensely alarmed, he held on to his penis with his right hand and shouted for help, which however was not forthcoming as the latrine was deserted during the show. He felt cold in the limbs, and was weak all over, and his legs gave way under him. So he sat down on the floor, all this time holding on to his penis. About half an hour later, the attack abated.”
I have the most educational blog ever
Oh, just read more of previously mentioned penis panic link and I think this part needs it's own mention.....
In September 2003, .... reported a hysteria in Khartoum, capital of Sudan.
Sudanese victims were made to believe... that their penises would melt away when they..... shared a comb...
Local media also contributed to the idea's spread. The Sudanese columnist Ja'far Abbas....writes, 'No doubt, this comb was a laser-controlled surgical cyborg that penetrates the skull, [passes] to the lower body and emasculates a man!!'
Reading this post and these comments has really given me an insight into the amount of anxiety that goes along with having a penis.
I mean, the only things I have to worry about are sexism, glass-ceilings, boys clubs, unrealistic expectations about physical appearance, gender stereotypes, condescending nick names (that's for you Andy), the threat of sexual violence (Sam - you're excluded from this - can I wink Master?),child birth (!!!), getting pregnant, the morning after pill (eugh), other manifestations of excessive hormones, bleeding (yeah I'd like to see you all try that!), leg waxing, bikini line waxing, stocking (in lieu of waxing), eyebrow plucking, make-up, the effect of gravity on breasts, the general annoyingness of breasts, men in trucks, men in suits, men generally....
Perhaps these voodoo penis pinchers were just radical feminists wanting to share the fun?
Really boys, make the most of it while it's still there.
I was thinking it was perhaps something more along the lines of ... well, you know how in developed countries the method of choice for the sale of penis enlargement paraphernalia is spam.....
I don't find breasts annoying at all. Listen Adriana, you're not the only one with problems.
Let me tell YOU all what its like, being male, middle class, and white.
Its a bitch if you don't believe...
While we're in the mood for music....
Don't it always seem to go,
That you don't know what you've got til it's gone...
I like the song, but how is it relevant? After all, you'll always have me to turn to as a violent, misogynistic abuser who will call you names and pull your pigtails ;) And don't you dare fucking wink back, or point out my beginning a sentence with a preposition you rabid bitch!
Sam, no-one can tell you truthfully that you started a sentence with a preposition, because you didn't. You started one with a conjunction. And there's nothing wrong with that, despite what your school teachers told you.
And I'm with you, Dave. Don't let those grammar nazis bring you down. Do what feels good, baby.
I'd just like to point out that Fitz has not corrected a typo in my earlier post. This, I believe, signifies that he is growing as a person.
(I wanted to make the word "growing" some sort of penis joke related to the main post, but alas, I just couldn't make it happen.)
Actually, it's a common misconception that ';)' is a misspelling. Both ':)' and ';)' are actually considered correct. It's one of those oddities of English.... so, honestly, there was nothing to correct.
Incidentally, how funny is 'koro' (meaning turtle head) as a word for this? Cheers, Ben.
I've have been unfortunate enough to just learn that "having the turtle", or "turtle head" has another meaning. I'm not sure if it was just made up on the spot by the single bogan I was talking to.
Defintion:When you are desperate to defecate and you start the action before reaching the lavatory.
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