Are you fuckers coming or what?
The profundity of these words I have even now, quite frankly, failed to adequately come to terms with. There is, I feel, something in them for all of us as we sit here awaiting the outcome of today's pivotal federal election. Are we fuckers coming........ or what? or what, you fools? Only once before now have I been so affected by a mis-sent text message. This occured to me a little under a year ago when I recieved the following two messages involving three individuals who, in order that their identitys be left protected, I shall refer to as Scrotum, Wench and Slapper. The first went as follows:
Hey there scrotum im slapper younger sister. WENCH IM 20 N I HEAR YOU LOOKIN 4 AIt was shortly followed by the following message:
GIRL FRIEND. GIVE ME A CALL TONIGHT. HOPE YOU DIDNT MIND SR1 GIVING
ME UR NUMBER.
Scrotum its sr1 sis wench, id like to meet u my sister says ur aNeedless to say, it has to this day been a great source of sadness and regret to me that I could not, at the time, think of a suitably pithy way to tell the hapless Scrotum, Wench and Slapper just how much their situation had touched my life and, of course, to inform Wench that she had the wrong fucking number2. I do not wish, dear reader, to live with such regrets as regards Senor Are you fuckers coming or what? His or her words were simply too deep and world changing to go unheeded and unthanked. Should anyone reading this feel the need to thank this person3, just let me know and I'll send you their number.
really nice guy! send me a txt..
1This is intended to be a 2-word abbreviation of Slapper. A fact more apparent when real names are being used.
2 I briefly considered pretending to be Scrotum, but this seemed kind of cruel, even by my standards ....... and also more than a little creepy.
3 Preferrably in a cryptic, non-sensical manner.
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9 comments:
It seems to me astonishing that such a text message would not remind you that a close friend who is moving away very soon was having a going away party and it was possibly the last time you would see her. Now, even though it was locked into your facebook events calendar, you, being a scrotum, completely failed to attend.
Similar messages were sent to Tom, who sent his apologies by way of telling someone else he wouldn't be coming, and Sam, who did turn up eventually. You, however, remained unaccounted for.
I was considering letting you continue to be clueless as to the identity of the sender of the text, but seeing as (a) someone would be likely to tell you sooner rather than later, and (b) it would me more fun to be mad at you, I changed my mind.
Anita is right, you are a scrotum. By the way Scrotum, I was the one who gave Anita your number. I was not however responsible for the urbane contents of the message. Also you can't spell receive.
Having said that, I am glad to have had such a profound effect on your weekend.
Also Labor won the election.
Ah. Right. Oops. Sorry. In my defense.... the post originated as a response to what is a strangely common occurrence for me - strange messages on my phone from people I don't (think) I know. Hmmm.... possibly they're all people I DO know...... anyways, Slapper, Wench and scrotum certainly weren't..... nor is that strange guy in Western Australia to whom the words "wrong number" seem strangely non-sensical.....
Also, I tend to remember the birthdays of people in my family only because someone else in my family remembers to remind me, facebook is kind of just a place I go to play scrabble at work - which I can't really do now anyways .....and having it in there made me think "awesome, don't have to remember the date, facebook will send me a reminder" - which it didn't.
If the message had said "Are you coming to Anita's fuckers?" I'd have been there in about a 1/2 hour.
When are you actually leaving? I'll buy you a sausage. Nothing says "I'm sorry" like a sausage, except for maybe the subsequent apology for the sausage.
Also, was going to delete post but, as on balance I look like much more of a penis with it up, it's probably more appropriate if it stays.
Quite right, thank you. Although the correct term is 'scrotum'. If you had replied to my message I would soon have set you straight.
Anyway, I am leaving for Japan a week from 2:45, and I am leaving for Melbourne around the 29th of December. No harm done. If you're not going to Canberra you may make it up to me by coming to the other party I'm having this Friday. Please don't bring a sausage.
Great Post!
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