I think we'll just draw a discrete veil over the double-entendre action in the title this time and just focus on the team name: Ethel the Frog. I had been of a mind yesterday that, whatever else we1 might choose to name ourselves, Ethel the Frog was definitely out - carrying, as it does, a green, froggy curse. In this vein, other names I might well have chosen had been suggested to me. I thought of a few myself. There were a few factors which swayed my decision here, however. The first was an ominous silence in response to my last post, in addition to some cancellations from some of the more ...... reliable members of the team. As for the second, well, let's put it this way. Nothing, in the trivia world says "bend over, drop your pants and prepare to be boned" quite like the following 2 pieces of information:
- This is grand final night you've walked into. Any team not in the top 5 could be drawn as the wild card to compete for the $1000 prize at the end. Hence every side brings both their A-team and as many warm bodies as they can muster.
- You, on the other hand, came alone.
And if I'm going to be boned anyway, I thought to myself, I'm going to do it in style2. I'm going to draw a big fat target on my arse and yell "Bring it on, Harry!" at the top of my lungs. I am, in short, going to call myself Ethel the Frog again, and damn the torpedos, sir.
In addition to the message of bonage, I felt that there were other little coded messages to be found in each round. The first round said, to everyone, "Sure, round one is usually a bit of a cake-walk, because in the event of a tie the prize-money jack-pots - which brings joe public back in search of that cheese. Tonight, however, is finals night. That jack-pot is going off, baby. This round is going to be hard". I came, I thought, rather respectably last on 10/16.
The second round, I felt, had a message specifically for me. The second round, for the uninitiated is always a music round. It is entirely song/artist recognition from fairly short sound-bytes. It is traditionally the lowest scoring round for most teams and, believe me sister, it's the lowest scoring round for us, too. Now, while round two hurts at the best of times, last night it was partitioned into three themed sections: B105, Triple M and 4BH Easy Listening. Harry was, I felt, sending a message exclusively to me, here. That message, dear reader, was as follows: "May God have mercy on your soul, little frog". I got 5/16 which, thanks to Harry's mercy rule, translated to 8/16. Two other teams got 8/16, too. God knows what they had originally.
Third round? Did O.K. here. Got 12/16 and beat 3 teams. I beat four teams in round four on a princely 10/16. This was a music-themed round and, frankly, I'm proud of not knowing some of the trashy answers I got wrong here. I got a perfect 16 on the puzzle page .... but so did every other team in the room. Of the four five-point bonus questions, however, I can't have beaten anybody. I got one right, for a score of 5/20 .... and that was the question Harry put up on the web. 61/100, people. Dead last. Did I get wild-card entry into the prize round? No. Would I have come even close to winning if I had? ....... no.
Notable Correct Answers:
- What is the French word for cheese? Thank you, television.
- The contestant from what country took out the Miss Universe title? Thank you ..... actually, how the fuck did I know that?
- What airport corresponds to the initials LHR? Thank you wild guess.
- What famous stunt-cyclist died recently at the age of sixty-something? Thank you person X for being the only famous stunt cyclist I could think of.
- What West-End Musical is a re-modelling of the Puccini opera, Madame Butterfly? Thank you Leesa, for taking me to Madame Butterfly, meaning I knew the story well enough to guess the correct answer.
Notable Wrong Answers (of which there were many):
- Insert random motor racing question here Christ, there were a lot of these.
- Insert random crap musical sound-byte Oh, dear god, how this round hurt me.
- In what sport do we get the quadruple Selchow (sic ?) Throw? This was a bonus question, too. I'll be impressed if you guess it correctly.
- Where did the Spice Girls hold their first re-union concert? You're breaking my balls, here, Harry.
- Who sang a cover version of "I got you babe" with UB40? Hint: It wasn't Cher.
Anyways, the thought has occurred to me that a lack of attendance was, in light of disclosures on my previous Ethel the Frog post, a bald-faced attempt by people to get me blogging trivia again. Bastards.
1An odd choice of pronoun, as it happens.
2Also probably not quite the right word.....
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11 comments:
3. Figure skating.
I think I was on my own on grand final night once. I think I finished second-last because my three correct bonus questions put me ahead of some other guy playing on his own.
I still didn't get the wildcard though. That system must be rigged against us when we play on our own.
I feel I in someway contributed to your score. This makes me feel proud. What makes me feel less proud is that the Spice Girls performed 1st in Canada.
Leesa
Poor Fitzarella. I saw your last week's sole team mate and they told me they weren't going to come this time. So I knew you would be all alone and yet I did nothing to prevent it. I even ignored your subliminal threat to claim my first born.
Is trivia on next week? Monday was going to be my alcohol free night for the week but since I am a charitable fellow I will come help you lose with style. To substantiate my magnanimity I will let you know that last week I lent one of my special combinatorics colouring pens to Ben (in exchange for acknowledgement in his paper).
It's 'salchow', by the way. And a quadruple salchow throw is very rare - the first one landed in competition was only a couple of weeks ago. I didn't know that this had happened.
You don't have to be impressed, by the way, because I didn't need to guess 'figure skating'. Thankyou Lillehammer.
Yeah, I'm still impressed though Dave.
Geoff: That threat wasn't subliminal, and the paperwork vis-a-vis the child-claiming business is even now making its way towards you. What I will do with an odd, curly-topped child with an un-natural affectation for coloured pens, napping, 3 hour lunches and the Petersen Graph I have not yet decided......
And why oh why, Leesa, must you dash my respect for you so........
Also, that's sort of a lie about the "would I have come close to winning if I had..." line. If any of the 3 or 4 teams left standing after, I think around 3 or 4 questions had had me on the team they would have won the night. The question was "In what country is Interpol based?" Everyone took the Belgium option, no-one got it right & so all went through to the next round. Now, I've seen Ocean's 13, so I knew damn well that the answer was France. I had a strut on the inside at this moment.......
Fitz you remind me a little of a person I know, lets call him the 'Z-man'. He has 36 wall postings on his facebook, all of them his.
As for what you would do with my first born, well, you could teach him to love mathematical physics. That would be a blow from which I could never recover.
That gives me another thought. There is a new course in second year called something like 'projects in mathematics'. They plan to have PhD mentors for students. Now is my chance to ruin another generation of promising mathematicians with bright colours and lobster jokes.
In Chris' first-born shall i instill a love of combinatorics. In Geoff's, of mathematical physics. Any deviation from such inclinations shall be treated with electro-shock therapy.
When they're old enough, I shall employ them in an Oliver Twist-style criminal empire.
Revenge is sweet.
Fitz, Shaun Micallef called his Teddy Bear Satin too.
I take this as proof positive (if proof were really needed, here) that Shaun Micallef reads my blog.
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