I'd like to talk to you about Sweden1

Australia, as I'm sure you're all aware, has seen fit to go about purchasing billions of dollars worth of sleek, aerodynamic, awe-inspiring killing machines with money we could otherwise have ploughed into education, health, supporting under-privileged combinatorics PhD students² or .... I don't know ..... something we might actually end up using. Now, I'm wise enough in the ways of the world³ to realise that we're just never going to get over this desire to have cool tanks, ships and planes and shit .... so instead I've been thinking about something we could actually do with them.

Is there, I thought to myself, a nation on earth of such pure, unadulterated evil that invasion (or at the very least bombing back into the stone age) just for shits and giggles could be seen as justifiable, nay morally obligatory? It occurred to me, dear reader, that in fact such a country not only exists, but has been insidiously veiling its perfidy for years now with a cloak of high living standards, low crime-rates, silly accents and bad music⁴. I'm talking about Sweden, people.... Sweden⁵. They gave the world ABBA, and we said nothing - for we do not watch the Eurovision^TM song contest. They gave the world IKEA^TM - and again we said nothing, for no-one is man enough to admit that they have a small collection of strange post-construction-superfluous connective plastic thingies they hope like hell are not essential to the well-being of their cabinet. Then they gave us Hälge ... and there was nothing much to say, really. Would we stand alone, dear reader? I think not. I submit that the maiden mission for our shiny new F35s is clear......

Figure 1: proposed bombing route sticking to international
airspace and avoiding national boundaries⁶

¹You see, dear reader, it's occurred to me that Google whoring is for losers. I've decided to try my hand at a little crazies trawling. And methinks that the true crazy is of a mind to post first, read footnotes later.

²You think all of those multi-coloured pens and 3 hour lunches at 5 in the afternoon pay for themselves? Ask Geoff.... they don't. In fact, after this post I shall look into an 'sponsor a combinatorist' scheme. I submit that there is no heart so hard as to be supplied with Geoff's downcast visage and not give generously.

³Honest....

⁴Yeah, you heard me Dave. For Abba alone must the Swedes die....

⁵I'd just like to take this moment to forestall a few scurrilous insinuations. This maniacal desire of mine to pluck Sweden clean from the stream of history has nothing at all to do with the fact that a Swede kept me awake last night .... and not in a good way. I spit on such theories, sir, with the phlegm of righteousness.

⁶Norway doesn't count.