I have been recently surprised, dear reader, to hear the details of a brief exchange which took place on the evening of friday 20/6. Sensitive as I am to my civic duties, and in order to preserve the privacy of the individuals involved I shall refer to the first individual merely as "Person A". As for the second ... I shall refer to them only as "Tristan Dunning". The exchange itself, then, dear reader, went roughly as follows.
Person A: Hi, so I heard about that article you're going to have published ... congratulations!
Tristan Dunning: Why are you talking to me? I don't speak whore.
Of course, there are many levels on which this exchange appeared, at first sight, perplexing to me. In the first instance, the sentence structure was significantly more sophisticated than I would have thought possible from Mr Dunning1. I suppose, however, that where this exchange was truly world-view-changing for me was in as much as up until now I had been under the impression that, at some point in his life, Tristan had had sex. Assuming, then, that he is speaking the truth ...... this exchange begs a very real question: How? Was a translator involved? Do they communicate merely by his repeatedly placing fifties into their outstretched palms until reluctant acquiescence is achieved?
To any that can answer this most mind-boggling of conundrums, I offer a gold star and a chocolate frog.
1Indeed, while I was not necessarily surprised to learn of his inability to speak whore, it was certainly something of an eye-opener that he could speak English that well.....
Person A: Hi, so I heard about that article you're going to have published ... congratulations!
Tristan Dunning: Why are you talking to me? I don't speak whore.
Of course, there are many levels on which this exchange appeared, at first sight, perplexing to me. In the first instance, the sentence structure was significantly more sophisticated than I would have thought possible from Mr Dunning1. I suppose, however, that where this exchange was truly world-view-changing for me was in as much as up until now I had been under the impression that, at some point in his life, Tristan had had sex. Assuming, then, that he is speaking the truth ...... this exchange begs a very real question: How? Was a translator involved? Do they communicate merely by his repeatedly placing fifties into their outstretched palms until reluctant acquiescence is achieved?
To any that can answer this most mind-boggling of conundrums, I offer a gold star and a chocolate frog.
1Indeed, while I was not necessarily surprised to learn of his inability to speak whore, it was certainly something of an eye-opener that he could speak English that well.....
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9 comments:
Fitz, I admit I've had doubts about your blog in the past. "Ridiculous" and "irrelevant", are words that spring to mind. But with this post, I have to say; Best.. Character assasination... ever!
You're playing a dangerous game here Fitz.
Remember Ben Ellis?
It's not defamation if it's true...
And to date, that gold star and chocolate frog remain unclaimed.
I'll leave everyone to draw their own conclusions.
The obvious answer is:
Although, Tristan Dunning does not speak "whore", it may be the case the some whores speak "Tristan Dunning".
We have a winner.
How could I have missed it?
Indeed, it must be hard for those that don't to make ends meet some weeks.
i'm so proud of my big brother he is an inspiration of all kinds
i understand your desire to maintain gender ambiguity when referring to tristan dunning. this does not, however, justify using a plural pronoun to refer to a single person.
i konw what ya mean. hes sitting here right next to me..... total wanker. but he's right ya know you are a dumb slut
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