You were lied to as a child.

My palms were sweaty¹. I was nervous. I had, however, once more avoided an awkward encounter in a lift.

"I made it" I announced to Ads,who had once again, just moments before, initiated an inane phone conversation having exhausted all constructive work and communist tea party related activities at work. "Well" she quipped, her voice quavering in that 'I am about to say something really clever' kind of tone. "What goes up must come down".

What goes up........ no, I'm sorry dear reader, but this is Bullshit. Why do they do this kind of thing to you when you're young³? Leaving aside the fact that 'up' is such a completely relative term anyway... what about clay pigeons? Hmm? What about if we, say, made a really big cannon and fired Sol Trujillo into the sun?

I realise that this is the day after Mother's day and all..... but I see through your lies, mum.

So kids, what goes up does not have to come down⁴.

¹Mom's spaghetti².

²O.K. Sue me. That was American spelling.

³Watched kettles do fucking boil.

⁴This is a metaphor for life⁵.

⁵Ads made me write this.