Let the honeymoon phase begin

Chris and I find ourselves trapped, it would seem (dear reader), in our own private cycle of violence. Not knowing how, exactly, to make it stop I'd just like to usher in the honeymoon phase in the traditional manner ..... with silly youtube videos.

Let us begin with a classic:



... before considering the plight of that most under-appreciated of instruments, the kazoo:





Lastly, let me just say that Chris, honey, it'll never happen again.....

Never one to let a pointless smack-down go .....

I come to bury Chris' blog, not to praise it;
The crap that bloggers write lives after them,
The good is oft hard to find, though one doth spend many an hour clicking "older posts"
So let it be with myblogisagoodblog ... The noble Georff
Hath told you Chris was pompous and sarcastic:
If it were so, it was a grievous fault,
And grievously hath Chris answered it ...
Here, under leave of Georff and the rest,
(For Georff is an honourable man;
So are they all; all honourable men)
Come I to speak in myblogisagoodblog's funeral ...
It was my friend, faithful and just to me:
But Georff says Chris was pompous and sarcastic;
And Georff is an honourable man….
It hath brought many bizarre prattlings of Christopher Pearson to our attention,
Whose ramblings didst suck smart from our heads:
Did this in Chris seem pompous and sarcastic¹?
When the ukuleles played, Chris hath wept:
Sarcasm should be made of sterner stuff:
Yet Georff says he was pompous and sarcastic;
And Georff is an honourable man.
You all did see that on March 14 2008
Chris didst write a trivia report as epic poetry
Which, when bested by a cheap cock joke, didst lead to much dummy spitting: was this pomposity?²
Yet Georff says he was pompous and sarcastic;
And, sure, he is an honourable man³.
I speak not to disprove what Georff spoke,
But here I am to speak what I do know.
You all did love his blog once, not ..... completely ..... without cause:
What cause withholds you then to mourn for it?
O judgement! thou art fled to brutish beasts,
And men have lost their reason…. Bear with me;
My sincerity is on the floor there with my broken dreams of getting work done today,
And I must pause till it come back to me.

¹Well, yes, actually....

²Well, again .....

³O.K. so, I have to admit here that the effort involved in saying that so many times with a straight face .... well, I'll be sore in the morning.

Never enter an arse-kicking contest with a hedge-hog, Chris....

There are people you pick fights with in this world, and then there are people you don't. In the first list we find bunnies, ducks and .... you, Chris. In the second list, we find weasels, ferrets, maniacal axe-wielding thugs and ..... me.

Anyway ... so it turns out that The Australian publishes pointless columns, the reading of which I find saps valuable time from my day which I might otherwise employ in reading Tolstoy or Jane Austen novels.

I mean, I ask you....

Watching them, I could see the degree to which many of us are often not really arguing with the people we’re arguing with; rather, we regress to a place where we are playing out our relationships with our parents.

...............................

The boss telling you to do something may trigger feelings of disempowerment not because his request is unreasonable but because you hear: “Son, do what I say!” Even the cleaning lady putting your socks in the wrong drawer can anger you because Mummy used to confuse your things with your older brother’s.

Perhaps I can make my umbrage a little more clear, though, if I give voice to my objections in iambic pentameter. Ahem.

Ruth Ostrow, and just quietly, she knows
says of life's ills ..... repeated childhood woes!
Forgive me maam, as I replace my rib,
if I suggest that you are trite, and glib.
I hope that this request will not annoy......
Could you, perhaps, call me a naughty boy?

I've said it before, and I'll say it again....

.... Japanese people are strange. Really, really strange. Often in an endearing way. This .... is not quite one of those times. Also, to borrow a line from Chris ... they should call Ben Mario, 'cause he just got 1-upped.....

A picture is worth 1000 cock jokes.

So, ordinarily, I don't really go in for religious paraphernalia, but..... there's something about this piece that speaks to me.

For Chris

I weep. Perhaps Abraham Lincholn said best what I now wish to convey when he said the following¹:

We are not enemies, but friends. We must not be enemies. Though passion may have strained it must not break our bonds of affection. The mystic chords of memory, stretching from every battlefield and patriot grave to every living heart and hearthstone all over this broad land, will yet swell the chorus of the Union, when again touched, as surely they will be, by the better angels of our nature.

In a show of solidarity with Chris, I post the following video:


I would urge other bloggers to do the same so that we may usher in a new era of humanity where our differences may be settled not by war or conflict, but by a simple viewing of .... the video. Surely there can be none among us who can view this and not be left staring off into a point in space feeling that all is right with the universe.

¹Thankyou, X-men 2......

Human-chimpanzee wrestling: discuss

As we all watch the dust settle from that smack-down we're probably all asking ourselves the same questions. How did it come to this? Who even won? Well, imagine I'm affecting the cold, disaffected cynicism of a seasoned war veteran as I suck down on the tail-end of a cigarette before tossing it away in an off-hand manner, staring off into the distance and saying "there were no winners here today ...... but I can tell you who lost. The biggest loser here today was human dignity". This makes for a neat segue which allows me to post on the front page the chimpanzee wrestling video I mentioned in the comments to the previous posts .... I feel it belongs there..... I feel I need to bring it to that vast untapped audience of three or so people who read all the comments for that last post but couldn't have been arsed clicking on all the links.



As you were, people.

Smack-down, would you?

Hmmmmm....... it has come to my attention, dear reader, that I just got served¹. Much like Chris, I'm currently at Uni where ( also much like Chris) I don't have any access to sound I don't bring with me². This means that I haven't actually heard what the child in his video is saying. I can guess though...... Small child makes all manner of cutsie-pie mis-understandings and plot simplifications while an appreciative audience goes "aw", right?

Anyways, while many people would probably argue that I should go and listen to the damn thing before I reply, this would unfortunately contravene the regulations of good internet smack-down ettiquette - which calls for a rapid response. So, I'll just say this. You want cute mother fucker? I'll give you cute......

Take that:



...... and this!



And ........ that!



You sew the wind, Chris......

¹ Oh no he didn't....

²My internet connection is faster, though, so narnie narnie woop woop.